Sometimes I lose my cool. But if your biggest hope for your own civil rights were under attack, you might lose your cool too.

Before you say “But Mirth Quake, you’re usually so hilarious and I love you. But you have to understand that people tend to vote on issues that directly affect them.” No shit, spinach chin. Of course I’m a little biased on gay rights, being gay and all. But this is more than that, it’s a Civil Rights issue. It’s about fairness for all, and this is the next step. All I want, is what everyone else has.

And how dare anyone keep them from me because they think gay is ‘icky.’ Bite me.

I like to use Facebook to educate, but sometimes the willingness to listen is lacking. So out comes The 2x4:

A morning like any other..

I stumble down the stairs and make my coffee. I settle in to my office chair, jump in a local chatroom to say good morning to my friends. When I log on, the chat room is uncharacteristically empty. One of the few online saw me come on and without even saying hello, asked if I had turned on a TV yet. I hadn’t, so I did.

There was no way I could have been prepared for what I saw. Moments after I tuned in and started digesting what was being reported, the 2nd plane hit. I immediately woke up my roommates and we watched events unfold for awhile. I had to go to work that day, so I showered in something of a daze. Got in my car and tuned in public radio for the ride to work. In transit, the first tower collapsed. Looking around me in traffic, I could see everyone else getting the same news. Faces of wonder, sadness, disbelief in every vehicle.. my own tears pushing at the back of my eyes.

I get to work and it’s unusually quiet for a normally fast paced environment. Radios are giving minute-by-minute reports of the chaos in New York. Shortly thereafter, the 2nd tower collapsed. Reports of the FAA grounding all air traffic comes in.

..and then it hits me.

My parents are on a trip in Europe, due to leave that day for home. My brother and sister in law are in Las Vegas on vacation. And two of my best friends are off camping in the wilds of Utah, oblivious to everything. I couldn’t concentrate on my work. I could barely think. Two days went by before I heard from my brother. He had spoken to my folks, who we’re stuck, at that time indefinitely, in London. But they were all safe. It was almost a week before I heard from my friends on the camping trip.

Facing so many unknowns and fears essentially on my own was something I took away from that day. Is my family dead? WIll I hear from my friends again? Am I or my other friends and family in imminent danger? Splitting my thoughts on 24 hour coverage of this mess and not knowing the fate of the people I care for, by the end of that day I was wreck. The country I’ve always known as unshakable, shook. But no matter how awful I felt, I had to keep reminding myself that people were suffering.

We were all hurting. We were all experiencing fears.

The world wept for us.. and for a time, we were united.

The rest you know as history, colored by your own experiences.

Every anniversary, I think back to the fear I had to endure - and mostly on my own. It’s always a tough day for me, but I keep my humor up and persevere.. mainly because the alternative sucks.

It’s cathartic for me to share my story, and maybe it’s cathartic for you to read it.

Thanks.

MQ

This is the very best post I’ve read about this fiasco, and sums up my feelings pretty damn well.

The Chick Fellatio: stuck in the craw

This post is all I have to say about the Chick-Fil-A controversy. It sums up various posts on the issue and various points made by my friends and I. From now own, rather than spend time debating this issue person by person, I’m going to point people here.

My hope here is to find common ground with those who have disagreed with me on the issue, and maybe to persuade. It’s not to ridicule or to best.

So, in the interest of common ground, let’s start here:  I acknowledge the absurdity of all this debate.

It’s definitely strange to have days-long Facebook debates flare up everywhere over a chicken sandwich. The anger, sarcasm, and hurt feelings on display seem strange or even laughable because most people have seen Chick-Fil-A as just a restaurant with a funny ad campaign. I’ll get into some of the whys and wherefores of that later. But, for now, let’s just say that, yes. It can seem ridiculous to get all worked up over fast-food chicken.

Let’s also agree that this isn’t about curtailing anyone’s rights under First Amendment. The Constitution is a legal document. This is not a legal argument. No one is arguing that Chik-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy should be put in prison, or silenced, or censored by the government. This has nothing to do with government censorship or government abridgment of Freedom of Speech. So don’t worry: the ability of this millionaire to legally spend his millions as he sees fit is not in jeopardy. You need not defend it.

Now, let’s get to the nitty-gritty of things. Please read carefully. These things have been said before, but not by me, and not all in one place. Please read with an open mind. If you can’t read with an open mind, please leave, take a minute, come back, and try again. If you can’t do that, then please don’t bother. Please read all of the words here, rather than just reading half of the argument and assuming you know what I’m saying. Read these words as they are written. Again, if you don’t want to read my words, then don’t continue.

So here goes:

1. This isn’t simply about marriage. Shocker, right? It’s extremely frustrating that same-sex marriage is the great continental divide. People are judged according to how they stand on this issue, as if no other issue matters. Did you know that a person can be for same-sex marriage and still be homophobic? Did you know that a person can be against same-sex marriage and be gay? We all get categorized very quickly based on the marriage issue and maybe that’s not fair. But here’s what you should know:

- In 29 states in America today, my partner of 18 years, Cody, or I could be fired for being gay. Period. No questions asked. One of those states is Louisiana, our home state. We live in self-imposed exile from beloved homeland, family, and friends, in part, because of this legal restriction on our ability to live our lives together.

- In 75 countries in the world, being gay is illegal. In many, the penalty is life in prison. These are countries we can’t openly visit. In 9 countries, being gay is punishable by death. In many others, violence against gays is tacitly accepted by the authorities. These are countries where we would be killed. Killed.

- Two organizations that work very hard to maintain this status quo and roll back any protections that we may have are the Family Research Council and the Marriage & Family Foundation. For example, the Family Research council leadership has officially stated that same-gender-loving behavior should be criminalized in this country. They draw their pay, in part, from the donations of companies like Chick-Fil-A. Both groups have also done “missionary” work abroad that served to strengthen and promote criminalization of same-sex relations.

- Chick-Fil-A has given roughly $5M to these organizations to support their work.

- Chick-Fil-A’s money comes from the profits they make when you purchase their products.

2. This isn’t about mutual tolerance because there’s nothing mutual about it. If we agree to disagree on this issue, you walk away a full member of this society and I don’t. There is no “live and let live” on this issue because Dan Cathy is spending millions to very specifically NOT let me live. I’m not trying to do that to him.

Asking for “mutual tolerance” on this like running up to a bully beating a kid to death on the playground and scolding them both for not getting along. I’m not trying to dissolve Mr. Cathy’s marriage or make his sex illegal. I’m not trying to make him a second-class citizen, or get him killed. He’s doing that to me, folks; I’m just fighting back.

All your life, you’re told to stand up to bullies, but when WE do it, we’re told WE are the ones being intolerant? Well, okay. Yes. I refuse to tolerate getting my ass kicked. “Guilty as charged.”

But what are you guilty of? When you see a bully beating up a smaller kid and you don’t take a side, then you ARE taking a side. You’re siding with the bully. And when you cheer him on, you’re revealing something about your own character that really is a shame.

3. This isn’t about Jesus. I have a lot of Christian friends. Most of them are of the liberal variety, it’s true, but even this concept seems lost on some of you. Most of them are pro-LGBT rights. Pro-gay and Pro-Christ are NOT mutually exclusive. They never have been, in the history of Christianity, though it’s been difficult at times. It’s not impossible to be both.

If someone is telling you it is, then maybe you should wonder why they’d do that. I see divorced Christians, remarried Christians, drug addict Christians. I see people with WWJD bracelets bumping and grinding on TV and raking in millions to do it. I see greedy, rapacious, vengeful people who are Christians. And these people are accepted in the Church, and the Church does very little to combat them. Sometimes it seems like being gay is the ONLY thing certain modern Christian movements won’t allow. Why’s that, I wonder?

Jesus had almost nothing to say about sexual behavior of any kind. He was too busy teaching more important things. Empathy is at the heart of his teachings. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Remember that? It’s in red. So let’s examine that:

4. If things were reversed, I’d stand up for you.

Please think about this: How would you feel if KFC came out tomorrow and said they were spending money against equality for Asian Americans, or African Americans, or religious people? Really. Think about it. What would you do? How would you feel? How would you feel if, after their announcement, there was a big increase in KFC sales and I was all over Facebook supporting KFC. Please stop reading right now and imagine this. I’m serious.

You can stop now because it’s ludicrous. It would never happen.

Oh, I don’t mean the part about KFC being against some group. That COULD happen. I mean the part about me supporting them. Let me tell you something, and you can damn well believe it: I’d sign on for the boycott IMMEDIATELY.

Why? Well, because I believe in equality for all people, that’s why. But also, personally, from the bottom of my heart: because you are my friend, and I don’t willingly support people who harm you for just being you. How could I? How could I, really? But, more importantly for our purposes, how could you?

Seriously, how could you? What has Chick-Fil-A ever done for you? Sold you some fatty chicken at a ridiculous mark-up? Made you chuckle at semi-literate cartoon cows? You mean more to me than KFC possibly could. If I, in turn, don’t mean more to you than a chicken sandwich from Chik-Fil-A–if my life, my quality of life, and my dignity are such afterthoughts to you that you’d not only refuse the boycott, but go out of your way to support someone who was hurting me? if I let this stand, if I don’t stand up to the bullies and if I let my friends egg the bullies on, what does that make me?

Well, it makes me a Chikin.

Yeah, so suddenly it is cause for anger, ridiculous or not.

But I’m not going to stop being Facebook friends with anyone over this issue.

Instead, I will remain. And, when you see my face with my partner’s in my profile, maybe you will examine not simply what your opinions are about gay people, or gay marriage, or the first amendment, even; maybe you’ll  examine not merely your opinions but your values. What is friendship to you? What is loyalty? How important are human life and dignity to you? Are they more important than fitting in with your social group? Are they more important than loyalty to a corporate brand, or a political party, or some misguided church teaching?

That’s why we’re so angry. This is personal for us. There are times in your life when you have the opportunity to stand up for your friends. When you let that opportunity pass, your friends notice. It doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, but it diminishes you, and it diminishes the friendship. That’s how it is, no matter what the issue or what the venue.

So stand up. Stand up for us. Do the right thing. You don’t have to agree with us on everything, but repudiate Chick-Fil-A. Unlike them on Facebook. Withdraw your support for them. Join us in the boycott. If you can’t do that, then please ask yourself whether I’m your friend. In fact, ask yourself whether anyone is.

This is all I have to say. If you’d like to debate the issue further, I’ll do it, but I’m not going to go around and around on the same points. If you’re just going to repeat yourself, save us both some time. If you haven’t taken the time to actually read this carefully and actually consider carefully what I’ve said, then I see no reason to waste further words.

The ball is in your court. Again, I urge you to do the right thing.

- Wayne Self
Twitter: @owldolatrous

Wayne Self is a playwright and composer whose current project is a musical tribute to the 32 LGBT and allied victims of the 1973 arson fire at the Upstairs Lounge in New Orleans, LA. Considered by many to be the largest hate crime against LGBT people in U.S. history, the fire is sometimes seen as a lesson in the perils of silence. ”Upstairs” will give voice to the victims of the fire–many of whom self-identified as Christian–and is scheduled to premier next year, in time for the 40th anniversary of the tragedy. For more information about the Upstairs fire, please visit http://www.bilerico.com/2012/02/new_orleans_inferno_the_upstairs_lounge_fire.php. For booking or production information, contact ewayneself@owldolatrous.com.

(Source: owldolatrous.com)

I’ve been fighting admitting it to myself, but sometimes you just have to face the facts.

My mustache and I have been living a lie: as the chart clearly shows, I have a Horseshoe Mustache and not the Fu Manchu. Popularized by the irritating ‘professional wrestler’ Hulk Hogan, The Horseshoe Mustache has a proud tradition of being worn by leather sex Daddies and football players. Being that I am neither one of those, my roll is to just make this thing look dead sexy.

Fortunately I’ve been told I have that under control.

Chart source.

Twitter really helps organize my thoughts and be concise, so my blogs may come as a ramble. But I do have points.

A handful of you may remember me from my early Twitter days beginning in August,  when I was Co_Man_Do and my avi was a pair of boxer shorts with a red line drawn through it. It’s surprising how much has changed since then. When I started, I was so green and scared how I would be received I was too afraid to be out with my sexuality, much less really talk about me as a person. Some of my tweets are straight-up real. And while a lot of what I tweet is still based on real stuff from my life and how I perceive things, don’t believe for one second that I’m giving away anything close to the whole story.

For me, Twitter is more a fantasy land more than anything. A place full of real people jockeying to be heard, to be sure. But a place where people take their reality, color it with humor and put it on display for an ever present audience. None of us would be tweeting if we didn’t seek validation on some level, and no one will ever be able to convince me otherwise. Stars and trophies and kudos from other people feel good; It’s an ego stroke and if we’re lucky, we’ll get to know a few these people on a deeper level.

I think I have a decent sense of humor, and I love making people laugh. Aside from sex, it seems to be one of my few inherent skills. But as soon as Twitter stops being fun for any reason, I’m going to walk away. Twitter drama is a pointless waste of energy and I refuse to be drawn in to it. While I will stick up for myself and the people I like, I won’t waste a lot of time on assholes and bullies - that’s what the block button is for.

So that’s my first ramble, and it was a good ramble. Definitely all over the place, but I think I’ve answered a few questions about me that I never really bothered to address before. Thanks for reading it.